Ah, Friday, how I hoped you would get here, you bright burning beacon of hope for us all.
Not only do you represent the end of the work-week, but the promise of fun with friends and errands left undone.
And nobody should be happier to see Friday more than some pop culture figures who really crashed and burned this week. In case you missed a spot, let’s round it up, with some input and ideas from my rapidly forming think tank of Kyles Filers.
Kim Kardashian Evicted from Pop Culture
That’s right, a group of virtual torch-bearing online denizens want Double K off the world stage. And ain’t it about time? While she’s at it, could she take these tacky, screaming, clawing, money-grubbing basketball wives and Real Housewives with her? Please?
So who knew the millionaire b-ball players club would call the bluff of the billionaire owners club? That’s right, peeps. NBA player and owner negotiations failed harder than Kim K’s sham marriage. I have to say I am proud of the athletes for showing stamina and clearly being willing to sacrifice their admittedly lavish lifestyles for the cause. The Occupy movement they’re not, but it seems like they joined the workers of the world in giving corporate big wigs the business. If only this lockout meant a similar lockout for the airing of the aforementioned basketball wives.
Ashton Kutcher Dumped by Demi Moore
You go, girl! If I saw my goofy, lanky husband palling around with women in hot tubs, and it wasn’t on the set of a cheesy Nikon commercial, I’d snap too. Now, he can go join Tiger Woods and the rest of the League of Extraordinary Jackasses in single-dom. I hope Bruce Willis trips him on his way out the front door.
Herman Cain Continues to Stumble Toward Total Evisceration
First, a team of women– one repped by the Grim Reaper Gloria Allred– besmirched him as an alleged sexual harasser. He then discovered racism– well, only as it applies to him. (Didn’t he say racism isn’t a factor in American life? Oh, that was before the Big Daddy Cain thing.) Then, after he cast doubt on the recollections of these mostly anonymous women, he decided to criticize President Obama’s foreign policy…without realizing he actually had to understand foreign policy to be effective. Ouch. And we thought Rick Perry sounded like a fool. (Seriously, Democrat, Republican or Tea Party, doesn’t this remind you of some show-off who flubs his presentation at the quarterly meeting and then tries to play it off?)
Penn State Coach Convicts Himself in Court of Public Opinion
Just when you thought this repulsive, skin-tingling story couldn’t get any worse, Penn State pariah Jerry Sandusky sunk one more league under the sea. I don’t know what possessed him to give an interview to a clearly disturbed Bob Costas earlier this week, but evidently his legal counsel was out to lunch. Not only did Sandusky sound like a total nutcase saying he showered with young boys and engaged in horseplay, he totally sounded guilty when asked if he found those boys sexually attractive. He paused, fumbled for the proper wording and then provided some crazed speech about enjoying the company of young people….You can hear it yourself again if you can stand it.
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