Spoilers Ahead…Come back later if you aren’t caught up to the season finale.
I certainly hope you ate your dinner, and digested it, long before you watched the season finale of “True Blood” because that there was a bloody, disgusting mess.
From shifting Sam entering, and then exploding out of, one of the Authority members to the series of stakings that took place in the episode, it really was enough to cause a case of the sick-ups.
But somewhere in this goo, there was goodness and a finale that — true to “True Blood” form– leaves you wanting more.
And that is saying a lot because my True Blood team knows I had lost patience with this cycle. There were some glaring flaws and nuisances, but all in all, I think it ended on an intriguing, promising enough note.
So, here’s my blow-by-blow of the last of this corn syrupy soap, ’till next summer, anyway.
Care Bear Stare
After rolling my eyes at the horrible, horrible fairy phasers aimed at him, I was mad that Russell Edgington got killed so quickly. So this vamp has lasted being burned by the sun, entombed, trapped in an old hospital bed and left for dead? Then, all it takes is a fairy appetizer followed by a staking by the clearly much weaker Eric to put this bad boy down? A character this great deserved a more fitting, and believable death.
Special Victims’ Units
There was a lot of pasty arse and dang near full frontal on this week’s show, including Bill’s blood-covered bum at the end. But I took the most offense at the “human cattle” cowering in their cages. I’d love to know what these extras earned for exposing their none-too-attractive hindparts for the duration of the episode. Sam Merlotte is included in that number. His fly-to-naked fool act drove me to near madness. Speaking of his fly shift:
There were several embarrassing special effects that almost made me long for the return of the smoke monster. (Yeah right.) First up: Bug vision. Absolutely ridiculous. If I had to see through Sam’s “fly” eyes one more time, I was about to get a swatter and make it happen. Second worst: Eric and Nora’s attack on the vampire guard. It looked like something snatched from the crazily corny chronicles of “Land of the Lost,” and we’re talking the original, not that Will Ferrell fail.
Jason’s renewed vamp-hating made for an interesting plotline, as did his “Sixth Sense-like” relationship with his ma and pa. His attempt to snap Sookie out of her everybody’s-got-good-in-’em routine made for one of my favorite exchanges of the season. I also loved his verbal battle with Eric, specifically how he told the Nordic fanger it was his God-given right as an American to be a fool. Finally, his awesomeness in fighting at the Authority bunker made for extra excitement, though he totally did not have to kill poor Chelsea who had just passed her statistics exam.
I know Jessica said she saw love blooming for the newly undead Tara and her maker, Pam, but I did not. I still see a really weird mother-and-child dynamic that goes even further than the usual maker weirdness. I don’t know where it’s heading, but hopefully it’ll seem more meaningful than it did on Sunday.
Who’s Your Daddy?
What the hell is Andy Bellefleur going to do with all those fairy-born babies from his fairy tryst? And while we’re talking about all his light-seeking spawn, did we really need to see Andy’s girlfriend help his fling give birth in some crazily orgasmic ritual? Overkill, my friends. I know it’s a finale, but egads…
Live in Stereo
I adore La La and even kept with his character when he was channeling Whoopi Goldberg in “Ghost” and wearing lucha libre masks, but he’s flirting with Uncle Remus-dom this ep, pouring it on extra thick as the Black sassypants who keeps his co-workers entertained. The dancing, gyrating and “loves me some” this and “loves me some that” started making me cringe after a while. We get it. You’re fabulous, but steer clear of going full stereotype. Just ask the clown who portrays Tara’s mom…there’s no coming back from that.
Is it just me or is the Alcide versus the V-drinking werewolves storyline (co-starring that old T-1000) unwatchable as hell? Muscles bulging under his workman shirt or no, Alcide almost bored me to death. And that ridonkulous “Braveheart” speech at the end? **hiding face in hands**
Last, but not least, I am loving then new, improved, suckafree Bill Compton. His cunning, ruthlessness and smack-talking is so refreshing after years of watching him pant around after Sookie no matter how annoying she became. His silvering of Salome goes down as one of the most amusing plot twists ever, though we all knew he wouldn’t let that girl drink up all that good Lillith. And after he dispatched with the scene-chewing Salome and then downed that Lill, despite Sookie’s squeaky pleas, I was ready to follow him into hell or wherever he went after melting into a puddle of ooze.
Your turn: What did you think of the way Russell exited for good? Do you buy Pam and Tara as a couple? Is Evil Bill better than Southern Comfort Bill? And were there too many exposed bottoms on this episode? Tell me all your thoughts below. I cannot wait….seriously.
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