“True Blood” done gone off the rails. With all the flashbacks, flash forwards, contrition and redemption, it’s gone from a soap into an episode of “Davey and Goliath” with biting. I am not into the Hep-V, vampire extinction-level effort that is the center of this dizzying madness. It pales in comparison to other plot lines, including Season 3, aka the reign of the King of Mississippi.
If I had not invested actual years watching and writing Truesday posts, I’d delete future DVRs and re-watch “Orange is the New Black.” But I am no quitter, so unless they bring Terry back from the dead as a zombie next week or pair Sookie with the King of the Leperchauns, I’ll soldier on ’till final credits roll.
Here are the lowlights (and one highlight) of the episode, minus some of the Shakespearean jibber jabber that I will not recreate.
1. Naked Ambition
I am so sick of watching Sookie writhe around post-coitus, and with a different vamp each time. She is quite honestly not only back on my “she ain’t ish” list, but her conversations with her new lover, Warlow about feminism in their Easter pageant diorama scene, took me to a new level of annoyance. And when she beamed herself, Captain Kirk style, to the cemetery with Arlene using her light? No mas, por favor. I find her Care Bear share powers more maddening than miraculous. They need to add a few zeroes to the special effects budget.
The only being getting as much action as Sookie these days is Sam Merlotte. He wasted no time getting over Luna, who lay dying on the lawn at his feet just mere episodes ago, in order to take up with a whiny, meddlesome character, Nicole, whose name I can never recall without help from Google. (Thanks, Google.) The shower scene made no damn sense, but at least I didn’t have to look at more buck nekkid Sook.
3. Feeding Frenzy
Who else screamed when the show’s answer to Ann Coulter, Sarah Newlin, instructed her henchmen to stab our gorge Jason Stackhouse and throw him in with female vamps in gen pop? I know there’s a part of him that wants to be ravaged by feminine fangers, but with the True Blood rations so small, I fear they will scarf him down leaving less eye candy behind. ‘Cuz y’all know I’m over Alcide’s growling, overly aggressive self. I don’t even look when he’s on screen anymore.
4. Divine Providence
Watching Eric beg Bill for Nora’s life and call him divine was so awkward. Then, it got even worse during his prayer to Godric, as Nora lay there looking crazy and saucer-eyed in a nightgown she might have snatched from Carrie, circa 1976. Speaking of Nora, all through her crazy plague-ridden flashback, I was just wishing “gone and die already, gal! If you don’t, I will call the sun and personally ask him to meet you forthwith.” I didn’t have to wish long. Eric was all bloody eyed over her gooey demise from Hep V, but I was merely grossed out, then relieved at her demise. Later, Nora! Tell Terry I said “hey!”
5. King James
Let’s end on a positive note. I am so thankful that they returned James to the series. I was so worried this gorgeous vamp extra would be a one-hit wonder, but clearly the writers were prescient in their thinking. Though this show is sucking big time, I cannot dismiss the foineness of this gentleman, nor his subtle charms. And also triple thank you to Jessica for warning him not to drink the True Blood and stripping those prison blues off of him for some apocalypse antics. Encore, I say!
What did you think of “In the Evening?” Is this show circling the drain? Have you tuned out yet?
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